The teen years can be some of the most painful and confusing for parents. Previously amicable, kind and happy children can quickly turn into sullen, angry teenagers overnight – and parents are left wondering where things went wrong. Frustration quickly builds, and parents who truly want to have loving, friendly relationships with their teenager simply cannot find the words or actions to reach them. By the time this kind of family decides to go to counseling, things are usually at a breaking point. Parents are hurt and confused, and the teen sees his parents as the enemy. Each side is afraid and this fear often leads to threats – parents threaten to kick the teen out, and the teen threatens to run away from home.
While this situation is not the easiest to deal with, the parents have to comprehend that the intense emotions involved are a good sign. It shows that both parties care enough to fight for the relationship, and care about what the other party thinks. This means the positive communication and problem solving can still be accomplished with this situation. Of course, there are productive and counterproductive approaches to this situation. If you are going through this with your teen, you need to realize the negative emotions your teenager shows, has very little to do with you. This will help you mend the relationship with your kid. Check out the tips below on how to mend a difficult relationship with an angry teenager effectively.
Don’t Quit-The worst thing you can do at this point is to walk away. The families that make it are the ones who hang in there and stubbornly refuse to give up on each other. As hurt, confused and angry as you might feel, don’t walk away. Continue expressing love and concern until your child can find healing and balance.
Do not be so Glum – You need to have some kind of a sense of humor to work through this tense time. Even though your child’s actions may have serious tones, it does not mean that when you look at the bigger picture that you can’t find some humor in it, and you may realize that this situation may be completely normal.
Don’t Take it Personally-In many cases, a teenager’s anger will seem far out of proportion compared to their situation. If you have treated your child with love and kindness and provided well throughout his life, his sudden hostility may seem like a slap in the face. Just remember though, that his anger usually has very little to do with you. Of course, if you have something to apologize for, do it; if not, just be patient and realize that the anger isn’t something personal.
Be Understanding of the Teenager’s Fears – Growing up can be quite scary for teens and this fear many times shows up as outbursts of anger. If the parent can just acknowledge and understand the teenager’s vulnerability and fears, it will be easier to deal with the teen’s emotions during puberty. Instead of the parents acting like they know everything, they need to let the teen talk about what he is afraid of, so they can help him deal with his fears.
Do Watch for Depression-Just remember that adolescent depression is a real thing – and angry outbursts or sullen behavior may be symptoms of something a little deeper. If you’ve tried working with your teen and he still seems unreasonable, professional counseling and screening may be in order.
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